A journal entry – 26/08/15

Roaming around in Ernakulam city today morning a sudden thought cross my mind. Why dont I take a boat to Fort Kochi and then to Vypin and come back? I had time at my disposal as the scheduled meetings postponed. But due to tight financial crisis, I decided against it. I chose to walk around Marine drive – my second favorite place after Trivandrum Shangumugham beach to relieve my tension and sadness – with my friend who is very nasty with his spontaneous counters. The trip boats parked on the side were tempting me to go for a ride. I was just controlling myself from opting for it by being in constant chatter with him. Finally when it was time to move on to where I wanted to go, I felt relieved. Yes, I succeeded in controlling myself. But little did I know then I succeeded probably to stay alive for another decade and more. Sitting in the bus, a little bit nervous about the meetings which would draw my life, I was called back to reality by a phone call. It was from a long lost brother in Ernakulam itself who calls me an inspiration for a joke. The moment I picked up the call, he let out a sigh of relief and I was surprised. But when he slowly unravelled the reason behind his sigh, I was caught breathless. A boat from Fort Kochi to Vypin drowned!

Words arent enough to convey what I felt at that moment. But because it is me – an overthinking personality as per my exes and friends – I thought about the situation deep. A moment\’s decision to opt against the ride saved my life probably. I think our lives are all about these silly moments and thoughts that cross our minds. It doesnt seem like any bigdeal unless you come to know theres an after story to the thoughts.

There was a time when I used to love coming to this city. This city used to rejuvenate and give me all happiness in terms of work and personal life. But this time, though the work side is safe, I feel heavy at heart. Instead of making me happy, I am getting a flurry of negative vibes with memories which is scaring me.  My eyes are swollen and my body is tired, yet sleep evades me because I am scared to sleep. Negativity is what running my mind at this very instant.

There are many \’firsts\’ in this write up. Number one is its the first time I am narrating my innermost feelings on the day itself as if I am writing a journal. You might wonder why am I publicizing it. My reason is plainly stupid. If there is anyone else who goes through all these, I just want to let them know you have a company. The second \’First\’ is I am blogging from mobile which is also why I am unable to put up any picture.

You might have a bad day, but there is always a tomorrow to make it a good day.